Marital Advice

Image via 100 Layer Cake

When most couples get engaged and are about to take the next step, they feel like they know each other pretty well. After all, aren’t you supposed to marry someone who knows everything about you? Someone who is your best friend? Some would even say their soul mate. You spend countless hours discussing your hopes and dreams for a life together. You know each other’s favorite hobbies, foods, music and so forth. However, there are some discussions that are often forgotten about. But these are big ones. Ones that can make or break a marriage. So why are these discussions that are so critical not happening?

One reason is that they are about issues that seem far off into the future and irrelevant to the romantic love of the here and now. These are the issues that we assume that our fiancé feels the same way we do. And sometimes they are just downright boring or intimidating so we avoid them.

So what are these issues and why do they need to be discussed?

One is money and finances. Most people may not realize that money issues are a major player in divorce. Discussions that include disclosing past and current debt are important, as well as learning about your future spouse’s financial habits. Some people are born spenders, while others are born savers. It is not that a born spender and born saver can’t find happiness together, they just need to discuss expectations and how they envision their financial future together.

Another important yet overlooked issue is family. So many things encompass family. From how many kids you want, to how you see gender roles. You may be someone who has always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom with a house full of kids that grow up in the same neighborhood you did, whereas your future spouse may have dreams of moving across the country to live by the coast.

Again, having differences and different desires are not deal breakers in and of themselves but it is important to have those discussions earlier rather than later, otherwise you can feel stuck with no room to compromise. Also, keep in mind that our hopes and dreams at age 24 can be very different than at age 34 and that they do change as we grow older.

In successful marriages, we grow and change on a path alongside our spouse rather than a path that is going in another direction from them. And discussing these issues, is the best start on that path together however unromantic it may seem.

By Bina Bird

Be sure to check out our June Issue online here or pick up a copy at these locations

-The One Bride Guide Team