Sticky Subjects: Mother in Laws
When I first started doing research for this article, I was immediately surprised at all the resentment shown towards future mother in laws! But as I started to read a few stories, brides kept saying basically the same thing with different variations of emotion: she is way too controlling. This woman is going to be incorporated into your life forever; for better or for worse, until death does she part. Yes you’re marrying the man of your dreams, but his mommy is part of the package too, whether you like it or not. If she’s being a real pain in the butt, I suggest you pay close attention to these three points and their examples.
• Communicate: Sometimes it’s not just her who isn’t listening, it may be you as well. Don’t act like you’re an innocent angel now! No one likes being bossed around, or criticized; but on the rare occasion your mother in law might have some valuable advice you could use… just maybe… you could come out on top by taking time to really listen and let her feel heard. Also, try giving her specific tasks. They don’t have to be huge ones like picking out the floral arrangements; simply have her call the DJ for last minute updates. Keeping her in the loop is probably the best thing you could do, just as long as you let her know where the boundaries are.
• Be patient: Remember, this lady is technically “losing” her son to you. For the past few decades she’s been the main girl in his life and now you’re taking that spot. If it seems like she’s getting a little bit crazy, take a deep breath and take into consideration this is a big change for her too. Definitely don’t forget that this is you and your fiancé’s day though! There’s a difference between patient and being a pushover.
• Enlist your fiancée: He knows his mom better than anyone else in the world. This will be a great opportunity for him to act as your husband for the first time, and not just your boyfriend. When he chose to propose, you became the leading lady in his life and he needs to make that clear by sticking up for what you want – or at least acting as a positive mediator.
In retrospect, trying to work with your future mother in law will prove to be a lot easier and quite possibly a lot safer than against her. Again, do keep in mind that this is your wedding; but that certainly doesn’t mean you have to be closed minded about it.
Your calm, cool, and collected blogger,
Stephanie Baldwin
